I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
