how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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