i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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