we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize