what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
