I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
