apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
