On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
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The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
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Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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