I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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