see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
