Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
