I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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