I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
