when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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