I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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