We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Randomize
