His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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