please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
