You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
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