Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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