he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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