so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
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