I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
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