last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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