You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Randomize
