if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Rumble strips road head = magical
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
