Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
