I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
