Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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