This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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