I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
