At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
