Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
