planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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