I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
