Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
