that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Randomize
