This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
