so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
