My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize