I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Randomize
