Can i not drive my cunt home
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
