I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
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My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
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Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
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