Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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