my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
