Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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