Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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