I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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