I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
