Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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