I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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