Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
