she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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