Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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