it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
