The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
