Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
