The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
