There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
