barbara walters just said penis...
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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