I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
