2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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