you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize
