his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
