New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
