Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
