ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
