I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
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