An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
