I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
