Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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