dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
