You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
The cops high fived after they tackled you
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
