She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
