i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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