I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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