how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
